are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
