i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
