When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
