i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
