This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
