It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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