As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
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I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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