your parents love me but you hate me
look no pants
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
