your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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