all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
