One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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