I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
