Me too!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
