Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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