I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
