It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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