oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
