We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
too bad you live with your parents still
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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