She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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