nut hugger
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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