Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize