so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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