Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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