Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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