Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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