Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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