I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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