i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
