um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
