Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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