Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
