I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
