It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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