I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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