So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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