So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
