I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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