I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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