He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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