What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
