cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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