You can't motorboat a personality
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
