I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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