dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
where are my eyebrows?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
