You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All the doctor said was why
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
