What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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