I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
