i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
