I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
