My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
