I want to walk on stilts...naked
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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