Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
