I need to stop coming to work sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Damn victory sex feels great
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize