So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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