Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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