i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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