so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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