Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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