I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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