after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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